Ayah in Memories ( 28JUN2009)

If my Ayah is still alive, he would be 65 today. God knows how much I miss my father. Although he left us almost 6 years ago on Monday August 4th 2003 but the memories are still fresh in my mind and it seems only yesterday. Ayah, you are such a great father and I will always love you. I always tell him that I want to marry someone like him. He is a go getter, never takes no for an answer, very confident of himself, very sincere, ever so helpful, never cheat or take advantage of people, a caring father and loves his children with all his heart. I am truly blessed to have him as my father. Whatever I wish for, ayah you sure will get it for me.

On the day he died, I really wanted to see him as I have not seen him for almost 5 months but with my condition that time I was really hoping that he will turn up at my cousin's wedding. When I saw my step mother and ayah wasnt there my heart sank. Cik Kiah said ayah kirimsalam and he wasnt feeling very well that's why he couldnt come to the wedding. Menggelitik hati ni nak pergi tengok ayah masa tu tapi apakan daya....dalam hati I kata insyaallah soon. One more month to go je...pastu nak pergi tengok ayah coz my due date will be 1st week of September . During that time it was only the sms that keep us in touch.
Ayah hantar message suruh balik and bawak kan dia epal hijau on his birthday but what can I do...cuma hantar sms je kata tak boleh nak travel and insyaallah I will see him the moment I can do so.
Sebulan sebelum ayah meninggal, ayah ada talipon and he wanted to come and stay with me. Ayah teringin nak berubat kat Ulu Kelang and dia kata dia kena pergi berurut hari-hari at least 6 hari seminggu and since we all 6 beradik dia suruh kita ambil turn bawak dia pergi hari-hari. I call my other siblings tanya macammana nak buat ngan request ayah ni tapi semua orang kata payah la. Masa tu rasa macam nak meraung I sebabnya true I was on leave but yet not able to take him for his treatment. So I told ayah that he can come and stay with me and I can arrange for taxi to take him to Ulu Kelang everyday but my stepmother has to come and stay with me too. Yelah ayah dah paralyse so kena ada someone to carry him in and out of the car. If not for my pregnancy at that time..I dont have to depend on anybody but circumstances doesnt permit. Tak tau la pulak rupanya masa tu ayah tengah tak bercakap dengan Cik Kiah jadi after my suggestion tu dia terus merajuk. I pun serba salah but we continue to sms each other still. Tu yang I look forward to seeing him at the wedding.
Lepas kenduri kahwin tu semua orang dah kepenatan almaklumlah masak sendiri so everyone was so lepak. Bila Ucu talipon dari kampung kata suruh balik and bawak ayah pergi hospital, my heart says "oh no....please wait for me ayah". My sister was with me then and I cakap kat dia...tak kira malam ni I nak balik jugak apa nak jadi pun jadi lah tapi dia kata dia mengantuk and dah letih sangat so I called my brother suruh dia bawak we all ni balik. Biasalah budak-budak muda ni kan....dari pukul 10.30 malam I call pukul 12.15 pagi baru dia sampai....masa tu hati I dah gelabah. I talipon mak I....mak kata takpelah besok je la balik tak payah nak pergi malam-malam ni....tapi I cakap ngan my brother and sister...tak kira nak balik skarang jugak...kalu mak tak nak balik dulu takpe dia boleh balik besok. We received another call saying ayah dah masuk ICU. Sampai je kat hospital and tak lama lepas tu doktor pun keluar and said that ayah dah takde lagi. Berlari I masuk bilik ICU tu dan cium ayah dan peluk ayah and masa tu masih panas lagi badan ayah. Ya Allah ayah dah takde...tak sempat kali ni ayah nak tengok cucu yang masih lagi dalam perut I ni. Ayah belum sempat lagi saya nak membalas jasa-jasa ayah...dan tak puas lagi bersama ayah. How I wish you are still around.

Ayah...I am so grateful to you for what I am today. I am a very independent person and capable just because you have trained me to do so. God I never get to tell you before you go how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I keep on saying to myself that I wanted to write you to thank you for bringing me up and to tell you that I love you so much but I procrastinate and this is what happens...REGRET. I remember you always say "DONT PROCRASTINATE, SUCCESS WILL NEVER BE YOURS" and yes I failed my dear father.

Some of Ayah's favourite saying:-

1. Dont assume as it makes an ass out of you and me.
2. Jangan berkhayal
3. It's all in the mind
4. If you think you can, you can
5. If means I failed
6. Time waits for no man

Semenjak ayah pergi belum pernah sekali pun saya lupa untuk menghadiahkan Al-fatihah untuk ayah setiap malam sebelum saya melelapkan mata. Ayah semoga roh ayah dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang mukmin disisi Allah. Amin


Today, all of us gathered and had lunch at Kuldip's place. The legacy of my late father his 17 grandchildren from his 6 children.